This guy loves Amazing Race so much that he was always crying about it. He was on the verge of tears when he was talking about being cast in this season of the show. Then when he thought they were in last place, he cried some more. When they weren’t in last place for a bit, he cried again! Finally, he cried when he made it to Phil and the mat. Were they tears of joy or sadness? It’s hard to tell with him.
The first episode of a new season of Amazing Race, which means we are introduced to a bunch of new people all at once and immediately forget most of them. The producers probably thought they were helping by showing some teams before Phil went over the rules and then showing the rest of the teams while they were heading to the airport. What it did for us was cause mass confusion since we thought we had missed teams and were confused by what was going on until more were being introduced. We were trying to make predictions on who we thought would be going home first, but then all the team intros were spaced out so we had to finally make some picks during the credits.
Some of our random thoughts while we were introduced to the teams:
Justin & Diana – #TheGreenTeam
aka the guy that made up his own Amazing Race to propose to his girlfriend
Amy – “This guy is a nut.”
Steve – “This guy might like Amazing Race more than us.”
Tanner & Josh – #TeamTexas
Alex & Adam – #TheCousins
aka the Little Guys
Cindy & Rick – #ChacAttack
aka the Dentist & Doctor
Denise & James Earl – #TeamAlabama
aka Southern mom & gay son
Coni – “His name is James Earl? I really hope their last name is Jones.”
Amy – “That is a hot mess.”
Jazmine & Danielle – #TheTrackStars
Logan & Chris – #ThePaparazzi
Coni – “Hate hate hate you because of your job.”
Tiffany & Krista – #TheCheerleaders
Coni – “Did she say she has a master’s degree in Greek Mythology?”
Kelsey & Joey – #The Reporters
Kelly & Shevonne – #TeamTMZ
Amy – “OMG TMZ and paparazzi?”
Ernest & Jin – #TheDancers
After the introductions, we picked who we thought would be eliminated at the end of the first leg. Amy picked the Southern mom and son because the internal hate there was very strong. I picked TMZ because they sit around an office and make fun of people. The blonde girl on the team was out of breath when they ran from the starting line to her cab so she wasn’t going to go far. Steve went with the dancer guys since they seemed a little bit lost about the race in general.
Water bike?!? That’s a thing?
Teams started off the race on Venice Beach. They were told to run to a cab and take it to a specific location on the beach where they would jump on water bikes and take those to a pier where Phil would be standing. The first team to get to Phil would get an airplane ticket that would take them to Rio de Janeiro, Brazil 30 minutes before the other teams that would be on the later flight. The beefcake team managed to break their water bike on the ride over, but other than that, it was uneventful until the teams reached the pier. Then about half of them tried to unsuccessfully jump from the bike to the pier. I spent most of my time laughing at them and then imagining that I would be doing the exact same thing if I was there.
The Green Team were the first to get to Phil from the water bikes. I believe they were one of the few that didn’t fall into the water at the pier. They were on a flight that was 30 minutes ahead of all the other teams. Then as it happens with air travel, their flight was 20 minutes delayed and the flight the rest of the teams were on was 5 minutes early. It ended up being no advantage at all.
Guys crying is the worst
All the teams were sent to a helipad for their next clue. It gave route info and also a Fast Forward clue. The Fast Forward would give one team a chance to complete it and skip all other tasks to make it to the Pit Stop first. It involved hang gliding over Rio, but was dependent on weather. The Green Team arrived at the helipad right before the Chac Attack team, so they decided to go for it. They thought the weather seemed fine. When they arrived at the top of the mountain, they were told that it was way too windy so it wasn’t safe. They didn’t think the wind would calm down enough to do it that day, so they had to go all the way back to the helipad to get the clue that all the other teams were already working on or possibly completed. The guy started crying. The girl looked concerned about how much he was crying. Amy said, “They are going to have a complete breakdown if they are eliminated.”
The rest of the teams were going to take a helicopter ride across Rio and pay attention to what they saw because they would need to answer a question correctly to get the next clue.
Amy wondered if she would want to visit Rio. She wasn’t sure. I said I would and seeing the huge Jesus statue in person would be cool. Amy then decided the beach looked nice and she likes the caipira drink. All the teams were in awe when they saw Christ the Redeemer aka Giant Jesus. The Beefcake team said it was a reminder that they were blessed so I added, “#blessed.”
When teams departed the helicopter and were asked the question about the name of the monument they passed. I said I would probably say “Giant Jesus” and be wrong. Amy said, “Giant Jesus is incorrect.”
The next clue was a detour. Teams had to choose between playing beach volleyball with a soccer ball or putting together a sliding puzzle. In the volleyball one, they would play against pros that would be playing without their hands while the Amazing Race teams would be able to use their hands to play volleyball with a soccer ball. The teams had to make 6 points before the pros made 18 to move on. The other part was putting together a giant geometric slide puzzle together on the sidewalk of Copacabana beach. Amy said she would be singing the song during this part of the show.
Chac Attack and Southern team showed up first. They both picked the puzzle. All teams had to change into costumes for either detour, which included short bathing shorts for the guys and bikinis for the girls. Amy missed that part and said to the Southern team, “Really? Is that a mom swimsuit?” Steve was a fan and said, “Mom has enormous boobs. #momjugz.” The Southern team said they were very good at puzzles. The son said he did a lot of them as a kid. The mom said it was their treat at night. I said, “A puzzle is a treat?” Amy said, “Maybe it’s a southern thing?” Meanwhile, the doctor on the Chac Attack team kept telling his wife to hold on and let him do it, even though he was not very good at the puzzle. Later on, she told the camera that he sometimes uses the same tone he does in the OR with his nurses. I said, “Asshole doctor that I bet the nurses hate.” Amy said, “You know they do. I don’t even have to ask my sister for an expert opinion.”
The track stars and Beefcake teams were doing the volleyball task. They were very impressed with the pros, but finished around the same time with the Beefcake team finishing just before the track stars. They both finished before any of the puzzle people. When the Southern team finished the puzzle, I said, “Got it. #momjugz did it.” Amy said, “Good for them. Boobs are amazing.”
TMZ tried to do volleyball but after a few tries that involved falling down and saying it hurt to hit the ball (did they not have to do it in PE class like I did?), they switched to the puzzle. They got to the puzzle when Chac Attack finally finished it. The blonde one was moving the puzzle pieces around like crazy and then realizing it was harder than she thought. I said, “Blonde on TMZ is going to bring that team down.”
The short guys got off the helicopter and one of them wanted to do volleyball. The other couldn’t believe it, but agreed to do it. The dancers were not thrilled with the skimpy bathing suits. One guy said he did not like being naked. They both had really nice bodies so I’m not sure what he was feeling shy about. We did love the changing tents the teams used to change on the beach. I laughed every time one was shown for someone changing.
The reporters had shown up and were working on the puzzle next to the TMZ team that were getting more agitated by not figuring it out. The little guys, dancers and paparazzi were playing volleyball. The paparazzi finished and took off around the time that the cheerleaders and Green Team arrived at the beach. The cheerleaders wanted to keep driving up and down the beach looking for the flags, but they must have annoyed their cabbie because he told them to get out. The show had mentioned the beach was two miles long and these were athletic cheerleaders, but they kept whining about how they didn’t know where to go and might have to walk up and down the sidewalk. The Green Team were so happy when they saw TMZ and the reporters still working on their puzzles. The meltdown was contained for a while longer! As soon as they saw other teams, the guy started saying, “We are not giving up. We are not giving up.” I said, “They are not giving up.” This led Steve to say, “They are not going to pay a lot for this muffler.” We have no idea where that came from but we laughed for about the next five minutes about it. Amy said, “OMG. That’s such an old commercial!”
The reporters gave up on the puzzle and decided to try volleyball while the Green Team started to work on the puzzle. The Little Guys finished up playing volleyball before the dancers who started at the same time. The dancers were impressed. The cheerleaders chose to do volleyball briefly before they gave up saying they were too short to play. Um, the Little Guys killed at volleyball! When they were walking over to the puzzles, one of them dropped their airplane pillow and it will probably never be seen again. The horror!
The reporters finished up volleyball and the Green Team decided that the task might be faster so they switched to volleyball. It did seem like the puzzle took teams longer to do. The dancers finally finished up volleyball so that left the Green Team, cheerleaders and TMZ at the detour. The Green Team finished up next leaving the puzzle people alone. The remaining puzzle teams were both very frustrated. TMZ worried about being embarrassed if they were in last place. The cheerleaders were crying because they weren’t getting it. Amy called them “cheertears.” They didn’t last long though before the cheerleaders finished the puzzle and were off to the pit stop, leaving the TMZ team.
Racing for the Express Pass
The next clue sent teams to the Pit Stop. We were surprised they were going to the Pit Stop already, but then realized with the intros cutting into the episode time, it made sense not to watch a Roadblock too. Beefcake got directions to the Pit Stop and were told they could walk it. After walking for a bit, they worried that the track stars might get a cab and beat them. They never got a cab though. They kept talking about it, but ran the entire way while the track stars took a cab.
They still arrived to the Pit Stop in first place so the track stars were further behind them than I thought or cab didn’t really get teams there that much faster. They were given an Express Pass that they had to use before the end of the fifth leg to skip any task they didn’t want to do. Then they had to hand it to another team that had to use it in the next leg. They keep switching up the rules each season!
The track stars came in second place. Even though the Southern team finished before Chac Attack, some how Chac Attack got to the mat before them. The stupid paparazzis came in fifth place. The Little Guys came in sixth place. The reporters and dancers arrived around the same time.
The Green Team were in a cab on the way to the pit stop and the guy started crying tears of joy! Steve said, “Every time that guy cries, you have to drink.” Amy said, “No, I will die. Dude, my liver begs you.” In the cab, he said, “No more crying!” Then when they were shown at the pit stop, what was happening? He was crying again! Amy said, “It’s going to be a very emotional race.” The cheerleaders came in 10th place, so that only left TMZ.
After three hours and 45 minutes, they finished. Then Phil showed up at the task. Amy said, “Phil says, ‘I gotta call it. I need to get to my cocktails.'” I said it was karma for them being horrible to people for a living. Also, I was actually right in my pick for the team to go home first. I rarely get it right!