TAR: It All Comes Down to Pee
Posted On May 4, 2009
He Made Me Look Like Alice Cooper
Say you are racing for the chance to win a million dollars. You aren’t sure that another team is right behind you, but you do think they are pretty damn close. You are close to checking in to make it to the final three, which is your last chance to win the million dollars. What do you do? Stop to pee of course!
We had the fun time of watching the cheerleaders get disappointed all over again when the show aired the end of the last episode where they found out the leg wasn’t over yet. They were sent off to find their next clue at the Bah Hai shopping center. The cheerleaders took off and Margie & Luke checked in second with Phil before being sent off after the cheerleaders. The cheerleaders were the first to arrive at the clue box.
Clue: Search around the nearby shops for the Travelocity gnome. Their next clue would be on the bottom of it.
The cheerleaders grabbed their stuff from the cab (smart!) and started searching. Margie & Luke showed up soon after that. The lawyer siblings were checking in with Phil. They took off. The sisters arrived to check in with Phil. Kisha was thrilled the race wasn’t over. Jen’s face was a mixture of horror that she still had to race and joy that they were not eliminated. They took off. The siblings arrived at the mall and started searching for the gnome. Margie & Luke were the first ones to find a gnome and their next clue.
Clue: Teams had to go to Gu Gong Xi Bei Jiao and pick up an electric bicycle. They had to ride the bikes around the Forbidden City and across Tiananmen Square to Dongdan Station where they would find their next clue.
Margie & Luke headed out. The cheerleaders found it next. The cheerleaders couldn’t find a taxi that knew where they wanted to go. The sisters showed up. Tammy & Victor found the gnome. When reading the clue, they knew that Gu Gong was the Forbidden City. Oh tricky Amazing Race! The sisters found the gnome too. Tammy & Victor were the first ones to find a taxi that knew where to go since they could say the destination correctly. Margie & Luke were the second ones to get good luck with a taxi. The cheerleaders finally found a taxi. When Jamie was trying to get the cab driver to say if he knew where he was going, he wouldn’t answer. She almost stabbed him with the gnome head when she pushed it from the back seat to the front to show him the clue at the bottom of the gnome. She asked if he knew where Gu Gong was located and didn’t get a response. She became frustrated that he wouldn’t shake his head yes or no. She told him this and then gave him a thumbs up if he knew it. I wondered if she offended anyone with her gestures, let alone her condescending tone. I also hoped the cab driver would stab her with the pointy gnome hat. Ah, fantasies. The sisters found a taxi driver that knew where they needed to go.
The siblings got there first and found the bikes. They took off. Margie & Luke arrived next and found the bikes. I believe for some kind of karma joke, the cheerleader’s driver did not drop them off near the bikes so they were wandering around trying to find them. They had to get back in the cab to keep looking. The sisters arrived and Luke almost ran them over. The cheerleaders finally got to the bikes and took off. The lawyer siblings were the first to the clue box and found a detour.
Detour: In Beijing Opera, team members had to go to a Chinese Opera house and make themselves up as a Chinese prince and princess including full-on face makeup and costume. They must then present themselves to get their next clue. In Chinese Waiter, team members had go to a table filled with hungry customers, take their orders in Mandarin and recite them back to the chef. Once they did it correctly, the kitchen staff would prepare the dishes. Once the dishes were done and served, the team would get their next clue.
Shockingly, Tammy & Victor chose Chinese Waiter. I’m guessing they will be the only team to try that. Back on the bikes, both the sisters and Margie & Luke were stopping to ask where Tienanmen Square was located. The sisters passed Margie & Luke and got to the clue box first. They chose Beijing Opera. Keisha said she wanted to be the princess since she has never been one her whole life. Jen was fine with that. Margie & Luke and the cheerleaders also chose the Opera.
The siblings arrived at the restaurant. They wrote down the order. When the first order was Good Luck Fish, they wrote down Good Luck Squid. They got the rest of the order right, but all the chef would tell them it was wrong, so they had to go back to ask again. While they were saying the order to the chef, they were both saying it. Tammy told Victor to let her say it. He said okay and then proceeded to say the rest of the order along with her. Way to pay attention!
The sisters arrived at the Opera House. They had two people already dressed up that they had to look at and model. Jen was doing Kisha’s make up first. Kisha said she felt like a damn clown. Jen told her she would scare children. Margie & Luke arrived at the opera house when Kisha’s make up was done and Kisha started on Jen. Margie kept arguing with Luke when he started to do her make up. She kept turning around to look in the mirror, telling him it was too much. He told her to quit moving. Margie said he made her look like Alice Cooper and a drag queen. Jen finished up Kisha’s make up. Margie continued to argue with the job that Luke was doing saying he was giving her huge eyebrows (he was!) while the model had thin ones. Luke’s response was throwing a little hissy fit before telling his mom to quit moving again. Kisha and Jen got the okay that their make up was good and went to get dressed. Luke said he was done with his mom’s make up so it was her turn to paint his face.
Back at the restaurant, the siblings were getting the food order again. They figured out their mistake. While walking back, Victor said he would let Tammy say the entire order. That lasted through one dish and then he said them all along with her. He must suck at delegating. They got the okay from the chef for the correct food order and waited for the meal to be cooked. The cheerleaders had been trying to find a taxi this entire time and finally found one to take them to the opera house. The way they told him where to go was to sing in the backseat. I think he knew what they meant or he was just laughing at them. I’m not sure.
At the restaurant, the siblings served their food and went their next clue. It told them to head over to decide if they wanted to U-Turn another team. It was the last one on the race. If a team was U-Turned, they would be forced to go back and do the other detour before being able to move on. It was also not blind like the last one so the team that was U-Turned would see who did it. They went looking for it while the sisters were dressed and went to bow on the opera stage to get their next clue. Tammy & Victor arrived at the U-Turn and used it on Jen & Kisha. Tammy said that they felt Margie & Luke were the strongest, the cheerleaders were the most competitive and the sisters were the most athletic. They didn’t feel they would win in a foot race, which they wrote on the picture while apologizing for picking them. After posting Kisha & Jen’s picture on the U-Turn board, they picked up their next clue.
Clue: Teams had to make their way to Dong Hua Men Yi Shi Market to find their next clue.
The sisters were running around trying to find the place with the U-Turn. Kisha was trying to say the place, but probably saying it wrong so no one knew what she was talking about. They are going to have a tough time in the Chinese Waiter detour! Back at the opera house, Margie finished painting Luke’s face. They were getting dressed. The cheerleaders got dropped off somewhere, but it wasn’t the right place. They were looking for the Beijing Opera, but they were dropped off to at the National Opera. They went looking for another taxi. Margie & Luke came out to bow and got their next clue for the U-Turn.
Crispy Finger Foods
The siblings arrived at the market to find a road block clue.
Road Block: It asked who had a taste for adventure. A team member had to eat a plate for exotic Chinese delicacies: grasshoppers, larvae, scorpions, and starfish. They would receive their next clue after finishing the plate.
Victor decided to do it. When Victor saw what he had to eat, he started saying it looked gross. Then he realized they had to fry it, which relieved him a bit since he was about to eat it raw. He wondered if they had ketchup. Victor had eaten all of the larvae. He said the texture and consistency was disturbing. The sisters were wandering around trying to find the U-Turn place with no luck. Margie & Luke came out of the theater and Luke said that it couldn’t be too far since the U-Turn usually wasn’t that far from the detour. They started to look around more carefully.
Back in the land of no empty taxis, the cheerleaders were still searching for one. Jaime said that China was too populated and that’s why there were no free taxis. Then she said that they knew the word “taxi” and were just playing dumb when she said it. Oh, why didn’t they get U-Turned? They found one that was empty and came running up to it saying “Emergency! Emergency!” The driver just drove off. Haha! They finally found a cab. Jamie said to take it, even if he didn’t know where they wanted to go. Then when they tried to talk to him, Jamie became frustrated. No one can win with her!
Victor chomped on some scorpion in one feel swoop and finished with “Blech!” Then he jumped right into the grasshoppers saying the task was perfect since he didn’t eat breakfast that morning. Tammy was laughing hysterically at him having fun eating gross stuff. He finished off the last of the grasshoppers and just had the starfish left. The sisters were still lost and having no luck finding someone that knew where the place was located. Margie & Luke found a lady who spoke English and said she would show them where to go. The cheerleaders arrived and were thankful they weren’t too far behind. They asked if the U-Turn happened yet and Margie said not yet. Jamie was hoping they weren’t U-Turned. Oh can someone change it before they get there? The cheerleaders got in there and started making Cara the prince.
Tammy was telling Victor that the starfish actually looked like it might be tasty. He assured her it was not. He said it was like fish innards. They finished it before anyone else showed up and got the last clue for the pit stop.
Clue: Teams had to make their way to Niao Chao, also known as the Bird’s Nest in the Beijing Olympics.
They found a taxi right away and took off. Margie & Luke and the sisters were still wandering around trying to find the U-Turn. The cheerleaders finished up their task and went out to bow. They said it had to be nearby since they had to find it on foot. It seemed like it was right next to the Opera House and everyone was running past it. All three teams ran past each other while they tried to find the U-Turn place. The woman that was helping Margie & Luke said that her friend she asked on the phone said it was in the Opera House, so they headed back to it. They found it and couldn’t believe it was right there the entire time. They were shocked and thrilled they weren’t U-Turned while they headed off to the street market.
The lawyer siblings arrived at the pit stop in first place. They were officially in the final three and they also won a trip to the Galapagos Islands.
The sisters were telling the cheerleaders they were going back to the opera house and starting over. Jamie said if they went back, they would just be sent back to where they were standing. They then wondered where Margie & Luke went since they went one way and never came back. Oh, I wonder! Margie & Luke were at the street market. Margie decided to do it. She asked for it extra crispy. The sisters arrived at the U-Turn and saw they were chosen. They were not happy! They found the restaurant and started writing down phonetically how the customers were saying the food orders. Margie was chomping on her food. The cheerleaders were arguing with locals saying they had been up one way and another and couldn’t find what they were looking for. The sisters finished their order and went to see if it was correct with the chef. They did not get it so they went out to try again. The cheerleaders were being told that the place was back at the end of a street they had been down. Jamie said that they had already been down that road before. Cara said not all the way and Jamie told her she was wrong.
Back at the street market, Margie was saying the starfish stank. Luke smelled it and told her it smelled good while laughing. The sisters tried to say it again. They were wrong. There were subtitles of what they were supposedly saying, but I’m guessing they were really just saying gibberish and not any real Chinese words. They went back out to try again! The cheerleaders were still lost. You think they would have gotten the hint that the other teams had disappeared and go the way they went, but I guess that would be too difficult. Margie finished off her food and got the pit stop clue. They found a taxi right away. The sisters finally got it the order right! Now they had to wait for it to cook. The cheerleaders were trying to pay a local to show them where the U-Turn was located, but he said he was busy and couldn’t go. He did tell them where to go. They were pleading since they had been looking for three hours. WAT!
The sisters finished up their second detour and went to the street market. The cheerleaders were still trying to get people to take them to the place. They were being told it was really far away. How far had they walked? Jamie said this was why she didn’t want to go to China because it sucks. I’m sure it loves you too Jamie. They finally decided to go back to the Opera and retrace their steps. Off they went! The sisters got to the street market and Jen decided to do it. She also asked them if they had ketchup. Kisha asked her if it tasted like chicken. The cheerleaders finally found the U-Turn. Cara pointed out that the sisters were U-Turned. Jaimie said they had probably already finished it by now. They did! Cara finally talked back to Jamie and said if she was going to have a defeatist attitude, they might as well give up. Jamie said, “As if you haven’t been that way the entire time.” Cara looked at the camera man in disbelief. What I wanted was there to be a big ole cat fight right there in the opera house in their fancy outfits with the gnome. Come on Cara! I bet you can take her! Instead, she did nothing and Jamie walked out bitching that if they had only come back to the opera house like she wanted to in the first place, they wouldn’t have wasted so much time. Cara apologized saying if they were eliminated, it would be all her fault. I think Jamie finally got the hint since she shut up, but she didn’t apologize for being a bitch.
Meanwhile, Margie & Luke arrived at the pit stop in second place. They would be in the final three. Jen was getting close to finishing up her food when the cheerleaders finally arrived. Cara decided to do it. Jen was having problems with the scorpions. Jen started to slow down. Jamie said to just eat it fast and not taste it. Cara was just shoving it down her throat. Jen was puking up what she was eating. Jen was saying she had to pee since she was downing so much water in each bite and her bites were very tiny. Cara wasn’t drinking much water and just chomping. Jamie was laughing and actually cheering Cara on. She was so impressed with how fast she was eating. Jen finally finished and tried to get a taxi. They finally found one. Cara finished and they found a taxi. They realized they left their gnome, so Cara ran back and got it quickly. Jen kept talking about having to pee really bad. The sisters got out at the Bird’s Nest and Jen ran to a bathroom. Is now the time for a bathroom? The cheerleaders arrived at the Bird’s Nest. They were searching for Phil. Jen came out of the bathroom and started looking for Phil. Jamie and Cara found Phil first so they checked in third place. The sisters checked in last place and were eliminated. Way to go peeing Jen!
The final three:
- Tammy & Victor
- Margie & Luke
- Jamie & Cara
- Who would have peed their pants over stopping to pee before checking into the pit stop?
- Who do you think will win overall?
- Whic team do you want to win and is it the same as who you think will actually win?
- Will anyone actually murder Jamie before the end of the season?