Amazing Race: Cross Dressing

Amazing Race: Cross Dressing

oklahomadress

This past week’s episode, “Get Our Groove On,” took teams to Poland where they danced the polka or posed in some sleek leotards and fake beards. They also got to eat a lot of donuts and u-turn each other. Kim did talk about a task being hard, but sadly it was not the hardest thing she has ever done. We also invented a new drinking game based on how often Marie talks about the Express Pass. Come along and join the commentary of Amy, Steve and me for this recap of Amazing Race.

We did our usual guess on who would be sent home. We were all going towards the blondes with boobs for being the eliminated team. I’m not sure why they are sticking with the Afghanimals, since those guys will let the girls get behind them, if it benefits them. I’m not sure what the benefit of that alliance is to either team. The girls would be better off working with the Oklahoma guys. I can see them giving up something valuable, just to be nice to them.

Express Pass Cliffhanger

Anyway, the race started off with Marie being Marie. The cliffhanger ended from last week. Marie and Tim did not know where the pit stop was, but instead of Marie finally giving the Express Pass away, she let Tim make the final decision on if they should give the Express Pass to the ER Docs. The only decision to be made at that point was to give the pass away. As soon as he did it and as soon as they got the pit stop location, Marie said that was the first time she let him make a decision and it’s probably going to be the last time. Really? I mean, I shouldn’t be shocked at her, but I wonder when Tim will reach the breaking point and just flip out at her.

As teams learned they were still racing, they found out they would be heading to Gdansk, Poland. Every time the show mentioned Gdansk, Steve would say it too, really loudly, since it was so fun to say. Amy didn’t believe it was really a city. She said, “How is that even real?” The teams also learned there would be a u-turn waiting for them in Gdansk.

When the bearded guys that checked in with Phil around 4 AM found out the ship they needed to take to get to the airport wouldn’t be leaving until 8:30 PM that night. All the teams were caught up again, which gave the baseball wives the second big sigh of relief after they learned they were not eliminated. Even though this leg was a continuation of the last one, they did get 34 hours to hang out on the boat before getting to an airport. 34 hours! Amy said she would be doing some serious napping, unless there were any seals to see.

On the boat ride, Marie decided to give the Express Pass to the ER docs. They all agreed not to tell the other teams that they had it. Marie was hoping she could still use it to her advantage to get other teams to help her by them thinking she had it to give to them. Steve pointed out that Marie uses the term “Express Pass” every time she is talking. That should be the new drinking game. Drink when she uses the term. If you want to play along, just over 5 minutes into the episode and she has use the term five times already.

Getting Lost

After landing in Poland, the teams had to head to Solidarity Square at the entrance to the Gdansk shipyards to get their next clue. The blondes with boobs got into a cab and asked to go to the Gdansk shipyard. The Afghanimals and the Exes did the same thing. When they showed up to some wrong shipyard gate, they were lost. They never mentioned to their cab drivers about “Solidarity Square” like the other teams did, which would have made a difference. Marie got the standard ugly American bit out of the way that takes place each season where she thought it was ridiculous that no one spoke English, no one could understand them, and they couldn’t understand any Polish people.

What Steve really noticed about the entire scene where the three teams were lost was there were some shirtless guys in the background. He started saying, “Hello! I think we are fine right here.” I almost spit the water I was drinking when he said that. Amy said it was like the guys who worked on her roof at her condo a few years back. She kept talking about them working on her roof in Speedos every day. So I confirmed it was the Speedo guys she was talking about. She said, “Yes! They were Polish too!” We have important conversations while watching this show.

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The teams kept driving around being lost for a while. Everyone was trying to figure out what to do except for Tim. It appeared that the pressure of making a decision weighed on his brain so much that he lost all ability to do anything. He yelled at Marie for whining when she was annoyed people didn’t speak English, but then he stood around saying that they were lost since they were in Poland and didn’t know where they are. That’s helpful! Finally, Leo asked someone about the solidarity movement and they were finally pointed in the right direction.

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The other teams showed up at the correct location and got a clue to go to the Golden Gate, which was the entrance to Old Town Gdansk. At that clue box, teams had to pick a detour between posing like a statue of Neptune while asking tourists for the equivalent of $25 and learning a polka dance while wearing a goofy outfit.

Bearded Posing

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Hardly any teams chose the posing task, which was easy if you were able to hold still in the heat while wearing a lot of black. It was also good if had a bubbly personality that enticed tourists to give you money for holding still. The baseball wives were the first team to choose the task and went through it in no time. The bearded guys who usually are super positive and fun, struggled with the task. They were so excited to continue racing at the end of the last episode, seemed to be struggling this one. It was like the exhaustion of racing finally caught up with them. They would stand there, but barely engage any of the people walking by. They gave up quickly and ran off to the polka dance, which would end up being their downfall later on.

The bearded guys did look pretty goofy with their black outfits on. They had to wear fake beards over their real beards. Brandon said he didn’t feel like Neptune with the black leotard on. He said if it was up to him, he would be wearing “like a seashell around my crotch, not a black onesie.” This made Adam just respond with, “Whoa…whoa.”

The Exes were in last place when they got the detour clue. They headed to the posing task, but when they saw no one was there, they were concerned that they would be u-turned. They decided to finally use their Express Pass. Marie said it about two more times so you can drink two more times as well.

Polka

The Oklahoma guys decided to do the polka dance, but had a really hard time with it. Well, Danny had a hard time with it. The challenge had one team member dressed like a guy and one like a girl. Danny wanted to do rock/paper/scissors over who was the girl, but Tim said he should be the girl since he had a smaller frame. Danny was not pleased with this assessment! Tim said he rocked that dress and looked good as a lady. Danny said he didn’t want to look good in a dress. It made him sad. When they were at the dance hall, they had an area for guys and girls to change. Tim pointed out that even though he was dressing like a lady, he did not have to dress in the girl’s area. The Afghanimals didn’t have the same opinion. When they arrived at the same detour, Leo went to change into his dress in the girl’s area.

As the Oklahoma boys started dancing, Steve said, “We don’t have dancing where we come from. Didn’t you see that movie with Kevin Bacon?” The guys were still trying to get the dance down when the no-name Jason/Amy team and ER docs showed up. It seemed like a tough task for everyone since they all looked sweaty while practicing. The longer the Oklahoma guys did it, the more frustrated Tim got with it. He kept making comments about how Danny needed to lead since he was “the man.” It seemed to really bother him that he was dressed like a girl. Danny told Tim he needed to calm down.

It didn’t help matters that Racer Amy was having the best time. She was a good dancer and just forced Jason to follow her lead. He said she just pulled him close to her and guided him where he needed to go so they could get it over with. Even though this team does not have a name, they do seem like they are having fun with the race and are decent to one another.

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Racer Amy & Jason were the first team to finish up the polka dance. That really frustrated Tim. He was going to lose it if the ER docs left before them, but then he saw they were worst than them so that made him feel better until the ER docs did it again and finished. Tim said they were going home, but Danny convinced him to try dancing again since they were so close. They finally finished and were out of there before the blondes and Afghanimals showed up at the task. Tim stated once again in the cab ride to the next clue how humiliating it was to be wearing a dress. I said, “Being a girl is horrible.” Amy agreed with me.

The bearded guys showed up at the polka task right after the two lost teams, so that really put them behind and also gave those teams that thought they were in last place some hope of catching up. The Afghanimals were not good at the dancing, but it didn’t seem to bother them. Leo just goofed off while trying to get the moves down. He didn’t seem to mind wearing a dress like Tim did. Neither did Aaron when the bearded guys did the task. The blondes seemed to do it with no problems, but then they dance for their jobs. They left the task while the Afghanimals and bearded guys were still trying. The Afghanimals finished next, which left the bearded guys as the last team to finish the detour. At that point, I called it that the Afghanimals were going to u-turn the bearded guys since they knew the bearded guys were behind them.

Double U-Turn

The baseball wives were the first team to finish up a detour task. They headed to find a medieval crane, which was also where a double u-turn waited. All teams were told they had to wear their costumes the rest of the leg so they had to run around looking silly in their black leotards and black beards. They moved the beards to on top of their heads so they looked like goofy wigs. The baseball wives couldn’t figure out which building to go to so they were on the wrong side of the river when Racer Amy & Jason found the double u-turn first. They were thrilled that no one had u-turned them, having no idea they were now in first place. They decided not to u-turn any team. Most other teams decided not to u-turn anyone either, including the Exes, which surprised me. Tim wanted to use it on the ER docs, but Marie was worried they already passed since they were so far behind. They were currently in second place when they left the u-turn mat. The baseball wives finally found it and were in third place when they left the u-turn.

The ER docs left the polka task before the Oklahoma guys, but walked to the waterfront while other teams took a taxi. The Oklahoma guys got to the u-turn first, but had no idea the ER docs were right behind them. They decided to u-turn the Afghanimals because they knew they were behind them. Finally someone used it!

No one else u-turned until the Afghanimals showed up. They knew that there was only one team behind them (the bearded guys) when they saw they had to do the other task so guess who got u-turned? If only the bearded guys had stuck with their posing task, they might have avoided the entire situation. Could they catch up in the road block?

The Afghanimals were giving it all they could at the posing task. They had one guy from BYU that said he would give them all the money they needed if they could name two BYU quarterbacks. They couldn’t but the guy gave them money anyway since his kids convinced him to do it. The Afghanimals were leaving when the bearded guys showed up. They were confused how the Afghanimals finished the task so quickly. They just had to show some personality! They were super tired, even though I imagine the Afghanimals were tired too, but they did it. They did finally finish it, but were way behind the other teams at that point.

Longest Building

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Teams found a road block at the longest apartment building in Poland. It was a half mile long. Racer Amy couldn’t stop saying that the longest building was long. Obviously. Racer Amy & Jason found the apartment building first, but were dropped off at one end while the Exes had their cab driver keep going until they found what looked like the clue box in the middle of the entire complex. That put them in first place, but not for long.

The road block had teams find a bunch of apartments and take bites of Polish donuts until they found one that was filled with red flavor instead of a yellow one. They were going to be eating a lot of donuts. Marie was doing it. She was excited about eating donuts and Tim read the rest of the clue where it stated that team members had to use their manners and would be penalized if they were rude. This should be a rule for every task. Tim told Marie she had to be nice. She swore she could. We all doubted it.

Soon after Marie went looking for the first apartment building, Racer Amy & Jason showed up. Racer Amy convinced Marie to team up with her and they looked together. Jason quizzed Tim about why he wasn’t wearing an outfit. Tim tried to play it off very badly about forgetting it, but Jason figured out they used the Express Pass.

The ER docs and baseball wives showed up at the same time. Travis decided to run up and down the stairs while Kim was taking the elevators. They crossed paths at one point. Travis ran down the stairs and hit the elevator button on each floor. It took a few floors before Kim realized what he was doing. Amy thought it was a shitty thing Travis was doing with the elevator buttons. I found it hilarious. I know she was probably hot and exhausted in that black outfit, but she couldn’t run down stairs when she was racing?

Travis ran across Marie and Racer Amy while searching for the right donut. He decided to follow them since they had been there longer so he could essentially avoid a lot of apartments they had already visited. Marie was trying to lose him and get Racer Amy to run off with her, but Racer Amy likes Travis so she stopped and just told him all the apartments they already visited. Sometimes teams working together could be beneficial, but she is just telling him everything with no benefit to her so I viewed that as stupid. We all know what Amy thinks about alliances. They are the worst thing ever! They decided that Travis would look at some apartments while Marie and Racer Amy would check out different ones. Then they would tell the other ones if they found the right donut. Shockingly, Travis told them the correct apartment when he found the donut! He let them know and then took off towards the pit stop in first place.

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When the Oklahoma boys showed up, Tim ended up doing the task, which led to more comments about how it was weird running up and down stairs in a dress. I said that running in a dress is so different. He did find the correct donut before Kim did so he was off to the pit stop in fourth place. Kim found the donut right after Tim. She was super excited about it. She was headed to the pit stop in fifth place.

The blondes showed up at the apartments after the first group of teams finished. They did show up before the Afghanimals and bearded guys. When the Afghanimals showed up, Leo and Ashley started working together. They immediately found the correct donut so they were off right when the bearded guys showed up. It was not looking good for Amy and I predicting the blondes being eliminated.

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The bearded guys knew they were last when they were doing the road block. Adam also ate his donuts in a really weird way. Amy said, “How is that a way to bite a donut?”

Pit Stop

The pit stop was at the end of the longest wooden pier in Europe. Apparently, there is a lot of long stuff in Poland. Even though the Exes had used their Express Pass, they were in a three-way race for first place with the ER docs and Jason/Racer Amy. Tim said it would be a foot race to Phil. Marie said she was going to have a heart attack, panic attack, puke and pass out all at the same time. Tim gave her a crazy look when she said that. It really amused Amy so I am posting it here.

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The Exes did come in first since they ran faster than the other teams. They won a trip to Hawaii. Jason and Racer Amy came in second again. They love coming in second. The ER docs were third. Marie no longer mentioned the Express Pass, but both Racer Amy/Jason and ER docs knew that they had used it. Will they spread the word around about it to the other teams?

The baseball wives and Oklahoma guys showed up at the pit stop at the same time. The Afghanimals finished the road block at the same time as the blondes, but made it to the pit stop before them. The blondes did make it to the pit stop before the bearded guys. The bearded guys were in last place. They were eliminated. As Amy said, “So much sadz and patchouli.”

They went from first to last in one leg, just like the NFL guys! It is so crazy this season. What did you think about this episode? How will Marie survive without mentioning she has an Express Pass? Who do you think will be eliminated in the next episode?

Also, final drinking tally with the Marie Express Pass drinking game: Seven drinks.

 

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