Amazing Race: Floaty Time

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Teams stayed in Chile, but it is a long and skinny country so they still traveled quite a distance in a bus because the show likes to torture its contestants that way. There was also some bike riding, mining, shoe shining and boobs floating in the second episode, “Zip It, Bingo.” Once again, Amy and Steve joined me in watching and commenting on the stupid mistakes people made and all the yelling they did at one another. Please join us!

The episode began with the reminder that the most annoying team so far, the Exes, have both Express Passes. They are excited to hold the one pass over another team’s head until they have an advantage to give it to a team. They do have to battle with the other teams pretty much hating the pink-haired Marie due to her spouting non-stop vitriol. The ER doctors tried halfheartedly to convince them to give it to them since it was Nicole’s 40th birthday, but they expected they weren’t going to get it so they just quickly moved on. Later on, the baseball wives bonded with Tim since one baseball husband used to be on a team with the Tim. The Exes said that the baseball wives had the best chance of getting an Express Pass due to that connection.

We also had to experience the entire alliance situation between the blondes with boobs and the Afghan guys. They both said they were race husbands and wives. Steve said the guys were creepy and weird. Later on, when the guys saw the girls, they called them “wifey,” which made Amy say, “This is creeping me out.” Steve said, “Creepy, so creepy.” Indeed.

The first clue had teams going to a boat where they had to get a clue from the captain. They all took off from the pit stop around 3 am and they couldn’t get on the boat until 7:15 am. That gave all the teams a chance to catch up. This did not please Marie. What did she do? She informed all the other teams of the rules where everyone needed to put down their backpacks in order of arriving and no one could cut. First, I don’t remember ever seeing a team cut in front of another one in a situation like this. Second, I love how she assumes that everyone will act like assholes so she treats them like it. She doesn’t declare these rules when she sees someone trying to get in front of her. She just tells each team her rules when they arrive. She is good at making friends.

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Ephraim of the NFL guys was not pleased with Marie just making up her own rules. He said he would follow his rules, not hers. She said he was following her rules so she was really in charge. This caused the Afghan guys to wonder if it was middle school. They also started referring to the Exes as Pinky and No Brain. This is the only time I liked the Afghan guys.

When the teams were able to get on the boat, it didn’t matter what order they were in, even though I am sure in Marie’s mind, she was still correct with her backpack line. They had to read a clue that told them to find a famous phrase that Arturo Prat said and tell it to the captain in Spanish. Teams ran around the ship like crazy before some realized it would be better to get off the ship and ask locals wandering nearby. The bearded hippies and blondes with boobs found the answer. Well, the bearded guys spoke Spanish and figured it out and the girls heard it. The guys took off and the girls told the local to not tell anyone else. I guess they aren’t in a real alliance with their Afghan husbands. The girls said they were really happy that they got the clue before the Exes. Then one of them had the scariest laugh. It made me say, “Don’t ever laugh again, ever.” Amy agreed, “That was very disturbing.”

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The next task had teams riding bicycles out to some salt mines where they had to do a detour. Amy was surprised that everyone was able to bike so easily on the mountain bikes with many gears. As soon as she said that, Nicole of the ER doctors had issues with it. She was not good at switching gears, so she was struggling. Travis was trying to get her to switch gears, but thought it might be something with her bike so they switched bikes after she fell. Nicole just started saying, “Help me, help me.” I’m not sure what she wanted him to do since he couldn’t ride her bike for her. He told her that just because she turned 40, she wasn’t an old lady.

The only other team that had issues with bicycling was the Bingo guys. They arrived after everyone else due to not speaking any Spanish and getting a taxi cab driver that didn’t speak any English and not knowing where they needed to go for a long time. When they got to the detour, Shane tried to encourage Rowan, but Rowan was having none of it. He kept yelling about Shane using his air. He seems like a treasure to be around.

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They had to either break open huge pieces of salt with picks until they find one with a clue or they had to put in enough salt into a sandbox size water box so they could float and read a few lines in a local newspaper. It surprised me how many people picked the mining one, even though a few switched to the water one after a bit. It could have been they didn’t want to get down to their bathing suits for the water one. I was confused why hardly anyone kept their shoes on when they had to lug bags of salt over to the water boxes but were doing it barefoot. Only Marie kept her shoes on. Amy was confused why hardly any of the girls brought sport swim suits with them. They pretty much had lounging-type bathing suits on. Steve did not see a problem with any of this.

During the mining task, some teams were intimidated when the NFL guys showed up since they were just picking up rocks and smashing them on the ground without the help of the picks or sledgehammers. That didn’t seem to speed up the process any since the bearded hippies and Afghan guys arrived before the NFL guys and were able to leave before them.

The rest of the teams  (with the exception of the bingo guys) did end up going with the floating task. Tim told Marie to stop pouring so much salt in the water and get in to mix it up. He said it was like stirring the lemonade mix and not just adding more mix. Marie said that was a stupid. I like to see that she listens to other people’s ideas. When they finally finished the task and left, the blondes with boobs were happy they didn’t have to listen to them fight anymore. They wanted nothing to do with Marie.

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Meanwhile, the baseball wives were having a bad time, specifically Kim. Last episode, she had to paraglide, which was the hardest thing she ever had to do. This episode, she had to carry heavy bags of salt, which was the hardest thing she ever had to do. She did make it through the task with lots of hugs from Nicky. I predicted she was going to have a tough time on this race. Amy said, “She has had an easy life.” The bingo guys showed up to the detour last, but completed the mining task while the baseball wives were busy hugging each other. Amy had called that bingo guys would be eliminated, but they caught up and moved just ahead of the baseball wives.

After the detour, the teams had to take a 1,000-mile bus ride to Santiago. The quickest one was 24 hours long. The quickest! The first teams, including the Afghans got on the 1:30 pm bus. By the time the Exes and blondes with boobs showed up, that bus was full. The Afghans were trying to get them on it anyway, when Marie heard them trying to sweet talk the ticket lady. She came over demanding to know what they were doing. Leo said they were trying to get on the 12:30 pm bus. Marie said in her best snotty voice, “There is no 12:30 pm bus. There is a 1:30 pm bus.” Leo said, “Then why are you asking?” Good question Afghan guy! I only like them when they are shutting Marie down. The blondes with boobs astutely stated that it was interesting that Marie tries to get everyone else in trouble all the time and is probably a miserable person. They feel sorry for her.

All of the teams were on those two buses that were really close together but the Bingo guys wanted to see if they could find another bus that was going to get in sooner than the other buses. They thought they found one that arrived two hours earlier, but there was a big language barrier since bingo guys didn’t speak any Spanish and the ticket people spoke broken English. As soon as all the buses left, they realized they were going to be showing up three hours after everyone else. They did find another bus that would only be one hour after the second bus so they wouldn’t be that far behind. They were just playing catch up this entire episode while Amy was getting excited about her call for them being eliminated.

Many hours later, teams in Santiago were finding a road block. One team member had to find a marked shoeshine cart with a waiting customer, shine their shoes until they were satisfied, then pack up everything on the cart (including the rug and chair) and push it six blocks to a storage unit. It was easy to do the shoe shining part, but moving it proved difficult. Once at the storage place, the team member had to make sure it was packed correctly before giving it to them or they wouldn’t take it.

The Afghan and NFL guys finished first and raced to the pit stop. The Afghans got to it first, but Phil had his “However!” for them saying they needed to settle up with the cab before checking in. That gave the NFL guys enough time to get to the mat and check in first. They won a trip to Turks & Caicos.

The first bus of teams finished up the road block and got to the pit stop before the second bus arrived. The second bus of teams were all happy to do their road block until they saw the bingo guys show up. Their bus came in right after so they caught up again! Once again, Amy was dismayed by the bingo guys possibly not coming in last place. It also affected Marie. As soon as she saw them, her “blood was boiling.” I’m not sure just seeing another team would make someone so angry, but that’s Marie! Some bit of karma came back to Marie since she happened to get the pickiest shoe shine guy. He did not accept her shoe shine job about five times before he finally said okay so she could pack it up. Of course, her solution was to yell at him, which made him drag it out longer. She’ll never learn.

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What the other teams didn’t realize is they didn’t need to worry. The bingo team continued to do things that put them behind. They had a bad taxi driver before the detour, they got off one bus to get on a much later one and then they did the road block wrong. Rowan didn’t go to a marked shoe shine place, but just the first one  he saw. He convinced the worker to move so he could shine the customer’s shoes. The guy even told Rowan how to do it. Then Rowan convinced him to let him take his cart. Amy and I were amazed that the guy let him take his cart. He did follow him, but I felt so bad for him!

While bingo guy was busy stealing someone’s livelihood, the rest of the teams were dragging their stuff to the storage unit and being told that they didn’t pack correctly. Ashley went by Nicky, Danny and Marie while they were repacking and turned her stuff in. She dropped all her shoe shine stuff on the way there, but repacked it correctly before turning it in. This sent Marie into a rage! Obviously other teams doing well is horrible. Danny and Marie turned their carts in. Then Nicky realized that she left her rug behind in the plaza.

At that moment, Rowan showed up with his stolen cart. Even before Rowan was told that his cart was wrong, Marie jumped in to inform him that what he was doing was wrong. She is the fun police. Nicky begged for the Express Pass from Marie. Marie had promised to give it to Nicky earlier, but Marie said she couldn’t do it “right now.” Of course not. I wonder if she’ll ever give it to another team. Or do they have to do it? Anyway, Marie ran off to the pit stop, Nicky ran back to get her rug while singing a sad song about it and Rowan ran back to redo the road block after realizing he had the wrong stand.

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While the rest of the teams raced to the pit stop, Marie shared with Tim that Rowan was calling her the devil to the guy he stole his shoe shine cart from. I missed this the first time, but he did actually say it. Tim said he agreed with Rowan. Marie actually shut up for a moment since she couldn’t believe he said that. More of that, please.

Before the end of the race, there was one last chance for Amy to be sad about the bingo guys catching up again! Rowan found a cart and completed a shoe shine before Nicky found her rug. She did get it back there before Rowan, but just before so it was a cab race to the finish line. The baseball wives did get to the mat before the bingo guys and just for fun Phil asked them if it was hard. Kim said once again, it was the hardest thing she has ever done. Of course it is, Kim. The bingo guys did come in last  and for one brief moment I thought it might be a non-elimination so I was happy it wasn’t. Amy was thrilled that she was correct two shows in a row with who was getting eliminated.

Were you sad to see the bingo guys go? What do you think about Marie? What will be the next hardest thing ever for Kim to do? Should we create a drinking game for that saying if she keeps it up? Do you think the next leg will be a non-elimination leg? If not, who do you think will be eliminated next?

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