Jude Law sleeps with all of the women in New York.

Dear lord, even Jude Law can’t save this insipid movie. It was horrible and boring. It was also all over the place. I wasn’t even annoyed by him talking to the screen throughout the movie, but I could see how others might have been. The entire movie didn’t really have a point. It seemed like it wanted to, but it didn’t.

You are introduced to Alfie and shown what a shallow guy he is. You are shown a few relationships he is already in, but never know anything really about his girlfriends or conquests. They are all carboard cut-out characters. I don’t even remember their names. He screws over all of those women and even his friend, but tries to charm his way out of everything. That’s still not the most annoying part.

The movie almost stops to introduce one relationship that is supposedly going to change everything about him, but we still know nothing about the girl. Then she is suddenly psycho. It is really out of nowhere. He breaks up with her and moves on. Huh? Then he thinks he has met his match. Then he hasn’t. He stops about 10 times in the movie to ponder what he is really doing with his life and keeps saying he is changing, but then doesn’t.

Finally he gets screwed over himself by everyone he ever screwed over. He apologizes for all of it and then he rambles on for about five minutes to the camera about nothing. We have no idea if he has learned his lesson, if he is going to treat other human beings decently, or if he is going back to his old ways since he just lost everything. I was so bored and he rambled so much that I had no idea what he was saying.

Did I give the movie away? It’s so shallow, I don’t think so. I didn’t give major, major plot points away and I still don’t think the movie ever had a point beyond Jude Law smiling at the camera. That’s just not enough.

Grade: D-

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