Lara Croft Tomb Raider: Cradle of Life

Lara Croft Tomb Raider: Cradle of Life

Lara Croft Tomb Raider: Cradle of Life

This movie is supposed to be better than the first, but does it include a scene where she runs around in a circle slowly while her boobs bounce?

This was the first movie of our Thanksgiving tradition of trying to find the perfect bad movie. It started out whatever year Bad Girls came out on video. Ok, that was 1994. We actually used to watch any movie on Thanksgiving, anything to get my dad not to watch football. Then that year came and we decided that was the worst movie we had ever seen. The next year happened and my dad said “Do you think we can find a worse movie than Bad Girls?” so we try to top it each year. We have only topped it once since then, in my opinion. It was the year I watched Pitch Black. I think that is the worst movie. I wanted everyone in that movie to die.

Anyway, so that’s our tradition and this was one of the movies we watched. After watching all of them, I declare this one to be the worst of the pick but not as bad as Pitch Black or Bad Girls.

Things that made it bad:

  • She punches a shark in the face.
  • The shark growls. Didn’t know they did. Didn’t know you could hear that underwater. She rides the shark fin like a dolphin.
  • Her boyfriend baddie’s accent turned from British to Scottish
  • Her boyfriend baddie wasn’t Clive Owen.
  • For being a tomb raider, only the first scene was in a tomb.

Things that made it good:

  • I watched this immediately after eating turkey so I fell asleep through most of it.
  • I got a good laugh out of her riding all English proper on a horse with her legs over one side after straddling a jet ski in the previous scene. Oh, so ladylike.
  • I didn’t have to hear most of the dialog because my niece and nephew (4 and 1 1/2 years old) were running around yelling.

Grade: D

velveetahead

Created this site in 2002. Pop culture and entertainment lover for much longer-- tv, movies, music, books, cowbells, and armadillos.

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